these macaroons are making me thirsty

So day of embarkation we leave Hotel Jazz and get that super clutch breakfast. From there we went to the port as early as possible because we are all excited to check out the ship and act like true fat-americans and try every single buffet available. Of course we had the pre-req seapass photos, luggage checks, yada yada, but soon enough we were gloriously chowing down. 

For us, the first day on cruises is spent by grabbing a drink and learning the boat. It took a while to learn this boat because basically it was like a shopping mall on the inside. There was a cavernous promenade that looked the same from both sides so you could never tell where you were, except that pizza was on one end of the row {crucial knowledge}. There was also a sweet looking gothic style english pub in the middle of all that and I think we all knew immediately that we would be hanging out there on multiple occasions. It was right above the casino. 

Ah the casino. Naturally, this locale played a large part during this trip. We definitely lost money there. Actually, I think everyone did. Luckily for us, we're not huge gamblers, but we still fell prey to the roulette table's enticing invitation a few times. More casino capers will follow, but at this point the tables were closed 'til we left port.

{pictures of our ship}

{layne's parents had a walk in closet...}

Back on track, a half dozen bars and restaurants later, and after a quick brisk topside, we had a pretty good idea of the layout. After muster stations we headed to the first dinner of the cruise. 

Speaking of muster stations, is this not the single most annoying...yet so freaking vitally important aspect of cruising? Okay, so pretty much everyone knows you can't leave the practice muster station until everyone shows up and checks in, right? Right. Okay, so pretty much everyone knows that you literally cannot do anything until everyone shows up and checks in, right? Right. Okay, so pretty much everyone punctually shows up and checks in, right? WRONG. We literally waited an extra 30 mins for some rude cruisers to casually stroll down to their muster stations. These folks had their pool towels, drinks in hand, acting as if "oh hey, don't mind us, just checking in like everyone else." I mean, c'mon people. The only redeeming fact was that all us kids were at one muster station together. So we were miserable, but at least we were miserable together. Can't say the same for Joe and Mar--they were at their own muster station. 

So, yeah, again, after muster stations we headed to the first dinner of the cruise. 

{night one of gambling}

Everyday we needed to be off the boat no later than 8am, so every morning was an early one. Had to get ready, eat breakfast, drink coffee, ***have our morning trip to the restroom*** and take pictures of the port from the deck all before 8. But having to wake up that early is pretty darn easy when every morning has a different amazing view of some awesome city that we were about to explore.

So the first port was a new place that we have never been too--Toulon, France. This was our first time in France ever. Actually, except for the most miserable 30 minutes of our lives at the Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport last summer {read the carnage HERE}, it was our first time in France. We got into Toulon, walked around through the food market, saw some of the city, but we decided to go back to the boat around noon because: a) Layne's weird bug bite was starting to get worse; b) we had an excursion later; and c) it was a sunday and everything was closed.

{france in the background}

{toulon}

{market in toulon}

We went to the doc on the ship, got some medication for Layne {as well as relief for our nerves 'cause we were a little freaked out about it but the doc seemed pretty calm} and then bounded on to Bandol for some beer, beaches, macaroons {freakin' legit. lemon and pistachio. does it get better?} and classic cars. We bought some rose wine from Bandol to take back with us because it was apparently supposed to be really good. 

 {bandol}

 {the best macaroons ever. seriously ever. we dream of these babies}

 {pistachio and lemon}

 {such great beer}

Highlight: in Bandol we saw the biggest bottle of Hoegaarden we've ever seen. 26 ounce bottle. The size of a wine bottle. It was glorious.

{it's bigger than it looks}

That night: first formal night. Kyle sporting a new jacket. Kelly complimented Kyle on his outfit, Joe happened to overhear the compliment and made the following joking observation:

"If someone calls what you're wearing an outfit, and you're a guy, something is wrong."

Obviously Joe thought it was a little ridic. Judge for yourself.

I mean, it's just a pink jacket. But anyways, formal nights mean formal pictures and Cam and Nic had to do some embarrassing photos. Actually, that was a theme throughout the cruise. It seemed like all the photogs had to take a course offered by the line titled "A History of Awkward Poses: How to Make a Family Look and Feel Ridiculous." But no, these guys are serious. And they still print like every photo that they take. What a waste. They already have eight kiosks around there, you put your room key in there and it shows every photo you're in {they should get more of those things}.

Yet they still print off every photo. Every gosh darn photo. Even the ones with blinks that no one would ever buy. I mean, c'mon cruise lines. Free tip right there, save you thousands of bucks. Don't mention it.

 {they sang: happy anniversary to you, happy anniversary to you, happy anniversary to yooouuuu, happy anniversary to you}

Ended up playing mini-golf that night with an 8 year-old Saudi girl named Grenda. We think her brothers were supposed to look after her, but they were busy playing bball with all the other boys. Sounds like Layne's history. We could tell she wanted to hang out with the Dullea clan, especially 'cause she kept playing the hole we were on, walking around with a putter and ball, messing up our mini tiger woods instincts. Kyle ended up saying what little he knew in Arabic. She laughed. Obviously they don't mean what he thought.

 {hole in one}

Next day's lineup was Eze, Nice and Monaco. After walking around the port city {Villefranche} for a bit, we headed off with a tour guide. Eze was a pretty ridiculous town that looks like it's built straight into the mountain. Straight from the middle ages. At the top of the town is a little garden that's taken over the old fortress. What a view from the top. You can see the peninsula with St. Jean Cap Ferrat, which apparently has the world's most expensive real estate {we drove around it and def believe it}. 

We stopped in at this inn that's in Eze for a quick look around. It's called La Chevre D'or, the Golden Goat. Utterly ridiculous views. And what's more, as we were leaving the hotel, there was a cabinet full of delish looking potions. Kyle got a closer look at the bottles and noticed that the entire armoire was full of vintage brandy. I mean, we're talking 30 - 50 year old priceless spirits {well, they probably do have prices. $100+ dollars a glass probably}.

We kept walking around Eze, saw a few of the local homes {there are around 2500 people in the town in total, but only like 25 people live in the oldest part of the village, up on the rocks. can't remember exactly how many}, and just admired how crazy the construction of the city must have been.

 {beautiful sunrises in france}

 {villefranche, france}

 {our ship}

 {eze}

 {view atop eze}

 {and there's joe!}

After Eze, we headed to Nice for lunch and a stroll around the markets. We kept looking for an old map of the region to no avail. If anyone has/sees one, let us know. We'd be all over that trash.

Nice ended up being one of the cities that we wished we woulda had way more time. The color of the water from the boardwalk area was as blue as could be. Also, the airport in Nice is literally right by the sea so as you stand there looking out at the Med, it looks like the planes are coming right at you. 

 {nice, france}

 {the water in nice is beautiful}

Monaco was next, which was very cool. Small, but cool. Very obsessed with itself. Very into money. Very gilded. But fun nonetheless! We went into the main casino, promptly lost quite a bit of money, then left and gawked at the lineup of expensive cars.

Side note: the casino bar. There's no beer on the menu. Actually, check that. Yes, there was beer on the menu. No there wasn't any alcohol in said beer. The alternatives: mixed drinks priced at like $40 a drink. Needless to say, we didn't get a drink.

 {casino}

 {hideous car}

We imagine that race nuts get a kick out of seeing this place but neither of us are grease monkeys. Will say though that the place was crazy beautiful.

{normal kyle}

Stay tuned for next episode: Italy.

what happens in Barca doesn't stay in Barca

For Layne's parent's 30th wedding anniversary they decided to go on a Mediterranean cruise and take all three kids and their spouses. Score! They had this trip booked over a year ago, so it's been a long time coming. And we were all so ready to get over there.

Wednesday - 4:30am wake up call. Woof. First stop, Atlanta, then onward to Barcelona. We met Layne's family in ATL, so what should 8 peeps do during a four-hour layover?...How about drink beer and make friendship bracelets. Haven't done that since hemp bracelets in middle school. Almost everyone wanted to do OKC Thunder colors, but there wasn't enough so some of us had to deal with others. Kyle's first pick was the Thunder colors, but when he found out there wasn't going to be enough he was totally ok because he already had his second colors picked out: white, red and pink. "These will go well with all the blue I'm wearing on this vacation". There was nothing Layne could say to that.

After an 8 hour plane ride we finally make it to Barcelona (luckily the plane had tv's for each person, unluckily Joe & Marilee's didn't work the entire trip). It was about 8:30 am Barcelona time when we arrived, so the first thing was go to the hotel and freshen up. Only one room was available at that time so 8 of us crammed into my parents typically-tiny euro-style hotel room. The guys all christened the toilet and then we were on our way to hit up Cafe Zurich, down the street from the hotel. It was now about 10 am Barcelona time, and we were all thirsty. So while everyone else around us is drinking their tiny, tiny espresso, we were drinking huge beers. So after that, the rest of the day consisted of seeing the Sagrada Familia, Parc Guell, and some other rando things. Then 'cause we had been up for like a million hours, we all trodded off to bed pretty early.

Or so we thought.

Turns out that the dynamic duo known as Dino and Dina {callan and kelly} decided to go to the irish pub down the street {scobie's} and close the bar down. No, literally, close the bar down. They are such cheery people that they made friends with the Irish owner who closed down the bar early so them three and one other couple could hang out and talk in peace.

No offense to them, but we could tell they stayed out. Callan got approximately 3 hours of sleep before he joined us all for a run around old-town Barcelona. Kelly was so tired she didn't wake up to the phone ringing in the room. And lemme tell ya, calling that sound a 'ring' is pretty generous. It's more like a feral cat's cry amplified through a megaphone that is shorting out while windows are shattering in the background. Props to dina for not waking up.

{our awesome hotel}

{family at Cafe Zurich in Barcelona}

{la sagrada familia}

{ceiling of la sagrada familia}

{at park guell with view of barcelona in background}

Our run was through tiny Barcelona streets--love it cause gives you the true culture feel. The first real stop to this day was going to see Camp Nou, Barcelona's Futbol stadium. It's massive. Layne was really wanting to see Fabregas and Messi, but that obviously didn't happen with the Euro Tournament going on. Layne told Kyle to ask his taxi driver if he knew where Fab lives {there was girl-taxi and a guy-taxi}. He said no and gave Kyle a suspicious look. Obviously, Kyle cleared that situation up pretty quickly by telling him that the girls were the ones that really wanted to know.

{amazing pastry shops everywhere}

{layne wants to go back for these}

{joe loved the pastries}

{in front of Barcelona's futbol stadium Camp Nou}

{inside Camp Nou}

Before lunch we had to take a pit-stop in a Pharmacy. Layne had some type of huge rash on both her legs. It has started before the trip but it wasn't too bad until we got over seas. Don't worry, it's was just a spider bite. We just got some stronger type cortizone. It almost gone now. But. The pharmacist could only speak catalan. Pretty much no english. Kyle has a working knowledge of spanish, but really trying to describe an ace bandage in spanish to someone who really only knows catalan was a little difficult to say the least. But we ended up with exactly what we needed. Perf.

After all that we went over to the Spanish Village. First thing we wanted was lunch. We were starving. So we found this cute little restaurant where we sat outside on a perfect sunny day, in the shade with a nice, subtle breeze. Everyone got some beers, ordered our meals and then sat around and talked while waiting for the food. Great conversation, everyone having a great time. We first realize that the Dullea clan has huge, deep wrinkles on their forehead (Layne likes to think it's only the men in the family). After waiting for what felt like forever since we were starving, our food finally started to arrive. Kelly and Joe's came out first. Being so hungry, Kelly started to dive on in, no one blames her because our stomachs were making noises. Finally Marilee and Callan's pizzas arrive, Cameron's spaghetti arrives, Kyle's and Nicole's yummy pesto pasta arrive and then finally Layne's pasta arrives.

Everything happens so fast and there are so many perspectives of the incident.

Nicole: Nicole sees Layne look at her pasta, with her face so happy, smiling with a great amount of hunger in her eyes and then it vanishes in an instant. Layne pushes away the pasta trying not to make too grossed out of face/throw up. Nicole asks "Is there a hair in your pasta?"

Marilee: Sees Layne push her dish away with a grossed out face and asks "What's wrong?"

The real story: So hungry and so excited that her pasta finally came, she picks up her fork to dive in. Hold up. Layne being the overly cautious person she is with food, just looks at her pasta to savor the moment. And also to check if everything is good. She does this with everything she eats. Don't be offended. So while looking at her pasta, she sees soemthing. Face goes from extreme excitement because she is so hungry to watch out I'm gonna hurl. She pushes her food away from her.

Layne was conflicted on what to do. Tell and everyone be grossed out. Or not tell. Well obviously she had to tell because they would have found out sooner or later.

To answer all yours and Nicole's questions, No it was not a hair. And to Marilee, Yes something was wrong. Very wrong.

When Layne was checking her dish before she ate because that's how she rolls, she saw that on top of her pasta, the shredded parmesan was moving. There was a maggot in the cheese, having the time of his life. So she told people about it and boom. No one was hungry anymore. Kelly was a tad nervous because by then her dish was already 3/4 finished.

So when the waitor came by to ask us all how our food was we showed him. He felt so horrible and didn't know what to do. He asked Layne "Do you want us to make you a new dish?", "What else would you like?", "I'll go make you a new dish.", and then finally with the correct question "Would you like more beer?"

He felt so badly, that he proceeded to bring out the fresh pasta for Layne to feel, to let her know that it is so fresh that is not where it came from (which we bet our lives it was the next tables pasta that Layne was touching). Then he brought out the packed cheese that they use and that is not where it came from, but the fresh block of parmesan that they shred over the dishes.

Luckily no one else had parmesan cheese on their dish. Not like that changed anything.

Layne finally ended up getting something to eat. Pistachio gelato. It was the absolute best.

 {parents at lunch in spanish village}

 {beers were much needed at this lunch}

{dullea boy wrinkles}

 {kyle getting layne an orange to eat since she didn't have lunch. 

she didn't eat this either}

{spanish village}

So after quite the eventful afternoon, we headed back to the hotel to recharge and change before we headed out to the Brown for a tasty dinner. Pumpkin gnocchi was prettay dang good.

{family at the brown}

{amazing pumpkin gnocchi}

{saw this sign and made them get a picture since it was their 30th anniversary!}

We decided to hit up Scobie's as a family during the Russia v Czech game and there were some crazy Russian kids gettin' rowdy next to us. Mar and Joe headed off to bed but the six kiddos decided to make a memory in Barcelona. After a few drinks at the irish pub we asked the barkeep where the locals go. We checked out the street and found a nice little bar to have some more beers. 

This bar was lucky: we walk in and Cam finds a 20 euro note on the ground by our table, and being the corrupt vigilante he is, decides to keep it. But being the awesome-ly generous brother/brother-in-law that he is, he decides to put it towards the tab. Schwing! Ok so at that point we're all thinkin' "alright, that means we can all have an extra beer 'cause that'll pay for hopefully one for each of us." Sooo, after we all have two or three beers we decided to get the check and head back to the hotel.

Hold up. Is this the right tab? 21 euro for 14 beers?!? 

Obviously we decided to all get one more. 

We left at around 3am, and we're pretty sure the natives we're only getting started partying at that time.  Obviously the morning came quick.

Breakfast. That is all anybody wanted. Well, and water. And coffee. And more sleep, but that wasn't coming. We went to this cute little place we found while walking the streets and everybody orders the magical trifecta: freshly squeezed orange juice, coffee and water. We could feel the energy coming back into our lives. For the food portion we all order normal breakfast meals, except for the two Dullea brothers. They order the American on the menu. A cheeseburger. For breakfast. It actually sounded amazing and L regrets not ordering it herself. Greasy, substantial hamburger well-suited to mop up the mess in our stomachs.

 {two of the trifecta}

{the american} 

Barcelona was great, but we were only starting our trip. We then got on the boat whiiiicchhh will be the next post. 

Hopefully we didn't lose any of you at the maggot part.